I was 5 years old when the sexual abuse started by a neighbor, who did anything and everything to me except rape me. He was a much older man. I was friends with his daughter and used to go next door quite often to play with her. A lot of things that happened I’ve blocked out, but for whatever reason one time in particular stands out. I was swimming in the pool and my cousin was there. Not only did this man sexually abuse me but he also sexually abused her as well for at least 5 months. Fortunately, the neighbor moved away. Sadly, I lost a friend but thank God I no longer had my abuser living next door.
I remember one time when my mom, dad, siblings and I went to Circus Circus. We ran into the family and we stopped to say hi to them. I also remember my dad asking me if I was ok. He could see that something was wrong. I don’t remember my response but I know he could see that something wasn’t right. I remember feeling very scared and it was the first time I ever experienced anxiety.
At the age of 8, I was never touched by my uncle but for about one year almost daily, I watched him abuse my cousin who was also my age. Fortunately, he never touched me.
On my 11th birthday, my babysitter had school and wasn’t able to come watch us while my mom went to play pool for her billiards league. So her boyfriend, who was 19, sexually abused me while acting as the babysitter. I was on the phone with my friend and sitting on Mom’s bed when he came in, grabbed my hand, pulled me into a standing position. He sat down, set me on his lap while I was still on the phone, and put his hand in my pants. I remember grabbing his hand without saying anything, and he stopped and left the room. It never happened again. When my Mom came home later that night, I told her what happened and she told me I was lying. She didn’t believe me and from that moment on, I didn’t trust any females.
At age 12, I used meth for the first time. I walked in on my Mom smoking meth. We looked at each other right in the eyes, and I turned to walk out of the room but she called my name. I turned to look at her and she asked me, “Are you curious?” I never said a word to her but I did what she asked me to do. She had me sit on the bed beside her and she lit the glass pipe.
Another time, I was home alone one night and my Mom’s uncle showed up looking for her. I invited him in explaining that she would be coming home soon. My 7-year-old baby sister was in the bathtub at the time. He forced himself on me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away; to me, he was an old man. I didn’t know him well, but I do know that he also abused my mother when she was a little girl.
One night we were in Oceanside near Camp Pendleton. I don’t remember what my Mom was doing and why she got out of the car, but she left me with a marine who neither of us knew. I don’t know what we were doing there, but what I do remember was him forcing me to give him oral sex. I was 12.
At 13, I was in foster care. My best friend’s parents took me in. I remember being with her and a bunch of older guys in a garage. We didn’t know them very well, but we were smoking meth. One of the guys, a tall, broad Hispanic who had gang ties, had started dating my friend. He was 19 and we were 13. I asked to use the bathroom, so he led me into
the house and showed me where it was. When I came out, he forced me into a bedroom nearby. He forcibly removed my clothing and raped me. I remember it was very hot and his sweat dripped all over my face and into my eyes. I remember crying and him biting my hand as I pushed his face away from mine. I never told anyone what happened. I was never sexually abused again from that point on until I was an adult.
As an adult, I was in a sober living home. I had been clean and sober for six months, but had relapsed. A few weeks earlier, this home was broadcasted on the news for a prostitution sting. Sadly, I did not realize the type of living situation I was in. Some of the females from the home were prostituting themselves out to sheriff and probation officers in town. I was sucked back into the lifestyle not yet realizing what had taken place or what was about to happen to me.
I remember being drugged, being video taped, being put on the internet and not really knowing at certain points what was happening to me. There were times where I felt as if I was dreaming, which is the result of date rape drugs. I remember having multiple fits of rage for no reason. I became violent, angry, hateful, and extremely suicidal.
My daughter’s father, along with other men, were taking complete advantage of me. Not only were they drugging me, but I was using multiple drugs as well, including heroin and meth. This lasted approximately 4 months, the first half in this sober living home, and the second half while homeless on the streets. Through my 10 years of active addiction, never did I once use a needle. But I do recall having track marks and bruises from being injected with drugs into my body. I was given different drinks and alcoholic drinks with date rape drugs as well. It was mind controlling though I didn’t know it at the time.
Towards the end of the 4-month period, I moved into the home of a man who prostituted women. He and my daughter’s father worked together in trafficking women. This man takes in different homeless people, has them work for him and has multiple vehicles that his so called “workers” drive. Tasks include driving to different areas in town to collect recycling items. This is how he draws in women to get them into his home and under his control. He puts a roof over their heads, feeds them, puts them to work and completely takes over their lives like they are his tools. The reason I know this so well is because I worked for him. He has a wife, a girlfriend, 3 young children, everyone lives in the same home. He calls himself “Jesus” or “God.” He is a very troubling individual. Because of my boyfriend at the time, my daughter’s father, I was not sexually used and/or trafficked by this man, but I witnessed other women being used by him.
By the grace of God, I was able to escape the lifestyle and start a new path through my discovery of the Captive Hearts recovery program. I moved to the Central Coast and got out of the dangerous area that was unhealthy for me. Thanks to God and Captive Hearts, I graduated the program and am almost two years clean and sober. I am happy, healthy, have a beautiful 4-year-old daughter and a wonderful husband. My life is full again.